Loss and the Holidays: “The Firsts”

The death of a loved one is the most emotionally, and often physically painful ordeal anyone can endure. The stages of grief have been identified and well documented by those of us who help people cope with loss. However, one phenomenon in particular needs to be addressed, and that is “The Firsts.”

The Firsts are significant dates associated with the person such as his or her birthday, date of passing and anniversary dates. The first year after a death is particularly painful not just because of the newness of the loss, but also because significant dates are excruciating reminders of the pain inflicted by the loss

It is  perfectly normal during the Holiday Season to fell intensified  pain because of “The Firsts.” Holidays are supposed to be a time of happiness and joy. All too often they remind us of who we have lost. The first Thanksgiving, Christmas, Hanukkah, New Year’s Eve, Valentine’s Day, Mother’s Day, and Father’s Day becomes a source of torment instead of a day of joy.

Why does this happen? It is because as in love as in the laws of physics, for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction. In short, we grieve as deeply as we have loved.

Yet spirits are connected to us through the energetic bond of love. Spirits of our loved ones will often reach out from the Other Side reach out to help us in our grieving.

As a psychic medium, I have the ability to communicate with spirits. Recently during a telephone reading for a young married couple, the woman’s’ mother came through. I heard and conveyed the message from her mother’s spirit, “This Christmas, just go for a walk.”

There was a pause, and the client replied, “My mother died on Christmas Eve last year. I was so devastated that last Christmas Day all I did was walk along the beach with my dogs.”

The client continued, “I can’t bring myself to celebrate Christmas, much less put up a tree. My husband and I wanted to just spend time together at the beach again. It makes me feel better to know I shouldn’t push myself this Christmas.”

Her mother’s spirit knew that she needs more time to heal. When she is ready to celebrate Christmas again she will. We all grieve at our own pace and in our own way. We cannot force ourselves to be happy. Grief is a lifetime journey, and taking the first step through “The Firsts” is up to you.

And sometimes it may just be walking on the beach with your dogs.

For more information on Grief Management, please visit: http://www.evidenceofeternity.com/bereaved-resources/

To find Mark Anthony’s books Evidence of Eternity please visit www.EvidenceofEternity.com and Never Letting Go: Healing Grief with Help from the Other Side, please visit: www.NeverLettingGo.com

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4 Responses to Loss and the Holidays: “The Firsts”

  1. Gail Laterza says:

    Thank you for understanding

  2. Susan Bergeron says:

    Hi Mark…I am one of those people who will be experiencing those *firsts* without 2 loved ones here..my Mom passed away suddenly on Sept.16th 2013..no sign that anything was wrong….and my youngest brother Tim killed himself 3 weeks later on October.10th 2013..my siblings and I are devastated and are in a constant pain…a perpetual sadness…I don’t know how we are going to get through it all ..my sister Deb…my brother David and I all had birthdays in November and we did not even want to celebrate them..now with the holidays coming and Tims birthday on December 28th and then Moms on Jan. 30th….it is going to be a very dark period for us…:(

  3. SANDY DAMRON says:

    THANK YOU . YES AT THIS TIMNE LAST YEAR WE NOTICED THAT THE MAN I HAVE BEEN WITH FOR 14 YEARS WAS TURNING YELLOW. WHEN WE FINALY GOT HIM TO A DOCTOR, WE FOUND OUT THE FRIDAY BEFOR CHRISTMAS 2012 THAT HE HAD LIVER CANCER. HE LATED 2 MONTHS AFTER THAT AND PASSED AWAY ON FEB 24TH 2013. I KNOW HE IS ALWAYS WITH ME, HE LET ME KNOW ALL THE TIME. HE PASSED AWAY AT HOME IN HIS RECLINER. THIS IS MY FIRST THANKSGIVING AND CHRISTMAS AND NEW YEAR WITH OUT HIM. IT WILL BE VERY HARD.
    READING YOUR POST WAS HELPFUL. THANK YOU. MAY YOU HAVE A WONDERFUL THANKSGIVING AND CHRISTMAS. GOD BLESS YOU

  4. Michael Trahan says:

    Mark, Thanks for sharing, this will be my First Holiday Season since my beloved wife Aurora passed away. It will be 1 Year this December 12th I do feel the loss. I agree with the article. Thanks for being there for all of us in the NLG Group. Your a blessing to us all who have lost someone dear to us. To you and all the NLG Group Members Happy Holidays God Bless.
    Michael Trahan.

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