In my new book, Never Letting Go, I explain how the objective of healing from loss is to “Let go of the sorrow, but hold on to the love.” This means releasing the emotional pain caused by the death, but never letting go of the love for the person who died.
In both my careers as an attorney and as a psychic medium, I’ve seen many lives haunted by regret for not being able to say “I’m sorry” to a deceased loved one.
Conversely, holding anger and regret is like drinking a bitter poison and expecting the other person to die. When that person is already dead, then you’re the one being poisoned. Only forgiveness can relieve you of the bitterness of regret.
In a recent reading I conducted for Marlene, the spirit of her mother Beverly came through.
Beverly, who had been an alcoholic, showed me sad memories from her life. Both mother and daughter shed many tears during Marlene’s childhood. Beverly died of liver disease when Marlene was only fourteen years old, leaving behind an emotionally-scarred child, who was now the attractive and sophisticated woman sitting before me.
“Your mother regrets all the pain she caused,” I conveyed.
“She should,” Marlene replied.
“She feels your anger,” I explained.
Marlene’s eyes locked on mine. “Do you know what it’s like having an alcoholic mother? Forgetting to pick me up after school. Embarrassing me in front of my friends. No dinner on the table—she always had plenty of booze though!”
“She’s showing me a sweet orange fruit—a tangerine,” I described.
Marlene was astonished, “Every Christmas there was a tangerine in my stocking—from Santa.”
“The tangerine is important,” I continued.
Fighting tears Marlene said, “One Christmas Eve—I was six—Dad and I got back from Church—I was so excited Santa was coming…”
“Tell me,” I knew this was crucial.
“Mom was passed out drunk on the floor—next to a bag of tangerines—that’s how I learned there was no Santa Claus.”
Tears flowed from Marlene’s eyes. “I’m mad at her for drinking herself to death—and I‘m guilt-ridden with regret for feeling that way. She was a good person—I know she didn’t really mean any of it.”
“Your mother was a good person; she suffered from depression. She regrets hurting you,” I delivered the message.
“Mom I forgive you! Please forgive me!” Marlene cried out.
“She forgives you—and thanks you for forgiving her—and for what you still do with tangerines,” I conveyed.
“She does?” Marlene’s lit up with joy. “Every Christmas I put tangerines in my children’s and grandchildren’s stockings—I’m so happy she knows this! I love you Mom!”
Beverly’s forgiveness was Heaven-sent, just as Marlene’s forgiveness was sent to Heaven. Both of them healed a bit that day by cleansing the bitterness of regret with the sweet flavor of forgiveness—which for Beverly and Marlene tasted like tangerine.
Our thanks to Mark for his guest post! For more from Mark Anthony, read his article “Love Never Dies—Just Ask a Spirit.”