Due to numerous requests, I re-posted “Today Is Not That Day”

Coping with the death of a loved one is incredibly painful. While there are many stages of grief, there are two phases of grief “Shock and Trauma.” The Shock Phase occurs right after the death. You feel as if you’re walking through a nightmare and cannot accept the death. You may repeatedly say things like, “I can’t believe he died” or “This can’t be happening.” You will not be able to eat, focus, sleep or think rationally. After some weeks this fades.

Then the Trauma Phase begins. This is where the stark reality of the death sets in. While shock fades, trauma is what we live with for the rest of our lives. It is essential to realize that grief is part of the human experience and you can endure and get through it. I emphasize get through not get over—and we must learn to live with it and through our grieving process accept the reality of the death and through that acceptance finally reach a place of inner peace.

While the pain of loss is something we will cope with for our entire lives, the first year is especially challenging. This is due to “The Firsts.” The Firsts are significant dates associated with the person such as his or her birthday, date of passing and anniversary dates. The first year after a death is particularly painful not just because of the newness of the loss, but also because significant dates are excruciating reminders of the pain inflicted by the loss.

For many people the holidays are painful reminders that loved ones are no longer with us. It can be a very upsetting time. For most, the holidays are a distraction from our grief with the upbeat music, decorations, lights and good food.

On my Facebook Group the “Never Letting Go Grief Support Group” someone wrote how the first anniversary of the passing of her mother hit this person very hard emotionally. She said she cries, is angry and the pain feels like it is all new again. She wanted to visit her mother’s grave site but doesn’t know if she can bring herself to do this.

What she is experiencing is very normal and one must not punish or beat him or herself up for having these feelings. It is perfectly natural to mourn a loved one’s passing.

Why does this happen? It is because as in love as in the laws of physics, for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction. In short, we grieve as deeply as we have loved.

One of the things I try to teach people is when certain days (like the anniversary of the passing) arise and you are hit with a “wave” of grief, you must tell yourself “TODAY IS NOT THAT DAY.”

It seems that subconsciously we want to bring ourselves back in time to the day of the loved one’s death. It is a trigger where we spiral into the emotions of the passing. It recreates the sorrow and the pain associated with the death. Suffering isn’t helping you or your loved one in spirit and it is important to your recovery in the grief process to understand you are not required to do that. You must tell yourself, “Today is not that day.”

Don’t get me wrong. I grieve for those I love and the anniversary of their passings are always extremely difficult. And, it is okay to honor the loved one who passed. It is okay to pray for that person and to pray for yourself. If you don’t want to visit the grave then don’t. When a person physically dies he or she is not anchored to the body. That person is now an immortal living spirit.

I suggest that you do not try to ignore the anniversary of the death. Rather, embrace it by doing something uplifting. Whether it is walking through a park or garden or visiting a place that person enjoyed, eat something fun (chocolate is always good) and remember that the reason you grieve for this person is because you loved him or her. Grief is the price of love, and we grieve as deeply as we have loved.

Feeling sad is normal, but like everything in life, these feelings will subside. The journey through grief is long, difficult and painful. It is a road no one wants to take, but one we are forced to travel at some point. Yet, the day the person died has passed. It will always be with us, yet TODAY IS NOT THAT DAY.

Mark Anthony the Psychic Lawyer®
Author of Never Letting Go: Heal Grief with Help from the Other Side and of the upcoming book Evidence of Eternity
Available on Kindle,, and all fine bookstores like Barnes & Noble

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An audio version of his book is also in Kindle version from Amazon:

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12 Responses to TODAY IS NOT THAT DAY

  1. Karen Libby says:

    After my reading with you I have felt calmer and more peaceful with passing of my mother. My reading was the day after the anniversary of her death. As I said during my reading I finally understand the pain of grief. Several of my relatives on the other side came through. This last year has been difficult however I have a huge measure of peace knowing my father who passed years ago was there right beside her. I can’t tell you how thankful that your gift can help those of us left behind. Thank You Mark…..Karen Canned Grean Beans !

  2. George Senda says:

    I am so TiRED of people telling me they’re so SORRY at the death of my Mother. I had TWO toxic parents, one of whom abused me physically, the other abused me emotionally, verbally & spiritually for 62 years. She sabotaged relationships, friendships, got me fired from jobs & interfered with every member of our family & continually told them what to do. Then she left me to clean up an apartment infested with mildew & I had to take the responsibility to try to deal with her tangled financial affairs. None of her friends ( excerpt one ) saw her for the evil person that she was. I am finally free ! May she burn in hell.

  3. Pingback: Empowerment Through Being Powerless | Medium Mark Anthony

  4. Monica says:

    My mother always said that one day she will not be here and I would say I would be fine with her passing. But I’m not. I wish she would still be here and would treat her better, love her more and say that I love her with hugs and kisses.

    • Mark Anthony says:

      My book Never Letting Go is about coping with loss. One of the main lessons is that we must “let go of the sorrow” but “hold on to the love” for the one who died. We never get over a loved one for grief is a process we go through and the objective of the journey through grief is acceptance of the fact a loved one died, and through that acceptance coming to a point of inner peace with the death. In this way we learn to live with our pain as it becomes a part of us, and a part which enables us to grow as a person to become wiser, deeper and more compassionate. My condolences on your loss. May God guide you on your journey.

  5. lynne rosenthal says:

    I feel so grateful for my readings with Mark and knowing that what I have always believed is true, that the soul lives in the body and survives after leaving the body. It is a great comfort, and I only pray that I will always be able to be in contact with my mother and other loved ones. I want her to travel closer to the light and feel free but also to be right here with me, always, till I join her. It’s painful that I can’t make this fuller connection myself, not being psychic, but I do feel her spirit and am grateful to Mark for confirmations. Blessings.

  6. Gina says:

    Oh my God…That was so beautiful, literally took my breath away. I love science…to equate love with the law of physics…it makes sense. I lost my only child to suicide February 2nd. She was 22 years old. No wonder I am so lost…I grieve desperately because I loved her desperately…As much as it hurts…I could never regret loving her so much. Thank you so much!

  7. Carol says:

    My only comment is Mark is the real deal. He said things that only God or the other side could have known. His reading gave me peace and hope to see my son again. God Bless him.

  8. kathleen says:

    Yes, that painful loss of many moms n dads is very traumatizing, but just Iost my aunt last christmas and 6 days later my beloved pug.
    Tryn to find peace for me and my family.
    What copeing skills can you suggest ?
    Are there any messages from above?
    Thank you for your service to us all.
    Merry Christmas !

    • Mark Anthony says:

      Kathleen, the reason I wrote the book “Never Letting Go” was to create a guide for those on the journey through grief. I believe this book will help you. You may also wish to explore other pages on my website including the Grief Management page. Many Blessings~Mark Anthony

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