For most, the holidays are fun. They’re a distraction from our daily routine with the upbeat music, decorations, lights and good food. It is supposed to be a time of joy and family togetherness. Sadly, there is another side to the holiday season. For many people the holidays are painful reminders that loved ones are no longer here. It can be a very upsetting time.

Coping with the death of a loved one is incredibly painful. While there are many stages of grief, there are two phases of grief “Shock and Trauma.” The Shock Phase occurs right after the death. You feel as if you’re walking through a nightmare and cannot accept the death. You may repeatedly say things like, “I can’t believe he died” or “This can’t be happening.” You will not be able to eat, focus, sleep or think rationally. After some weeks this fades.

Then the Trauma Phase begins. This is where the stark reality of the death sets in. While shock fades, trauma is what we live with for the rest of our lives. It is essential to realize that grief is part of the human experience and you can endure and get through it. I emphasize get through not get over-and we must learn to live with it and through our grieving process accept the reality of the death and through that acceptance finally reach a place of inner peace.

While the pain of loss is something we will cope with for our entire lives, the first year is especially challenging. This is due to “The Firsts.” Certain events can trigger a new wave of grieving. One of the most painful is the anniversary of the day a loved one died. Then there is the first round of holidays, the first birthday of that person, or an anniversary or other special events.

On my Facebook Group the “Never Letting Go Grief Support Group” someone wrote how the first anniversary of the passing of her mother hit this person very hard emotionally. She said she cries, is angry and the pain feels like it is all new again. She wanted to visit her mother’s grave site but doesn’t know if she can bring herself to do this. CLICK TO JOIN NEVER LETTING GO GRIEF SUPPORT

What she is experiencing is very normal and one must not punish or beat him or herself up for having these feelings. It is perfectly natural to mourn a loved one’s passing.

One of the things I try to teach people is when certain days (like the anniversary of the passing) arise and you are hit with a “wave” of grief, you must tell yourself “TODAY IS NOT THAT DAY.”

It seems that subconsciously we want to bring ourselves back in time to the day of the loved one’s death. It is a trigger where we spiral into the emotions of the passing. It recreates the sorrow and the pain associated with the death. Suffering isn’t helping you or your loved one in spirit and it is important to your recovery in the grief process to understand you are not required to do that. You must tell yourself, “Today is not that day.”

Don’t get me wrong. I grieve for those I love and the anniversary of their passings are always extremely difficult. And, it is okay to honor the loved one who passed. It is okay to pray for that person and to pray for yourself. If you don’t want to visit the grave then don’t. When a person physically dies he or she is not anchored to the body. That person is now an immortal living spirit.

I suggest that you do not try to ignore the anniversary of the death. Rather, embrace it by doing something uplifting. Whether it is walking through a park or garden or visiting a place that person enjoyed, eat something fun (chocolate is always good) and remember that the reason you grieve for this person is because you loved him or her. Grief is the price of love, and we grieve as deeply as we have loved.

Feeling sad is normal, but like everything in life, these feels will subside. The journey through grief is long, difficult and painful. It is a road no one wants to take, but one we are forced to travel at some point. Yet, the day the person died has passed. It will always be with us, yet TODAY IS NOT THAT DAY.

Mark Anthony the Psychic Lawyer®
Author of the major spiritual bestsellers:

Available on,, and all fine bookstores like Barnes & Noble and independently owned bookstores. To purchase on line CLICK HERE

Be at Peace this Holiday Season


Mark Anthony
The Psychic Lawyer®

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  1. Ida says:

    I lost my son, a war veteran, to suicide 9 months ago. Shock and trauma expresses how I feel. First it was the weeks of screaming, asking to be awaken from the nightmare and now, I feel intense loss … day after day of sadness that never leaves me. Sudden bursts of crying is a daily occurrence, aging so badly and having physical pain as well as the emotionally intense sadness. He was the light of my life. I desperately want to hear his laugh…hear his voice and look into his eyes. I never understood that this level of pain existed in the world.

  2. Edt says:

    That’s totally understandable what happens to the ones left behind ! My daughter just lost her best friend through suicide ! He did leave a note to her and his parents but, the since , I have a child that lost memory through a infection and not knowing what was going on even thought I had took her to Doctor ! And argue back and forth until I got a solucion , I understand the situation , I send the mother of my daughters friend even if I haven’t met her a gift a charm that says the heart remembers love you all and pray that’s healing it takes along time !! He won’t want you to be sad God loves everyone just like as parents we love our kids and he’s on his arms now!!

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